


HOT SUMMERTEEN DEBAUCHERY

by letmetellyousomething



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, Paradox Space, Sexual Humor, Summerteen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3734707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmetellyousomething/pseuds/letmetellyousomething
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat writes a smutty solkat fanfic for his story Summerteen Romance. Future Karkat comments.</p><p>Sollux looks good in swimming trunks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HOT SUMMERTEEN DEBAUCHERY

**Author's Note:**

> Attention! This is not meant for anybody's eyes but mine, Karkat Vantas.  
> Even if you happen to be future Karkat- you can run a mile over sharp scrap metal on your dry seed flaps if you're coming to this story with the attitude of a loathsome critical loaf of shit. We both know you're intent on getting off on this, so no pretense of distancing yourself will fool any other Karkat but yourself.  
> It's beyond generous that I'm saving this story at all! So don't even think of starting anything.  
> At least both my hands are on the keyboard, which you can't say of your grubby paws.
> 
> If you think you can naturally read this because you read Summerteen Romance, you're wrong. You're only admitted to perceive exactly the amount of my creative work I deign allowable. If you still manage to miss the fucking hint, I'll say it again: peel your eyes off, close this document and walk away.  
> This is non-canon and absolutely detrimental to your enjoyment of STR. 
> 
> Stop reading. Now.
> 
> ...You're still reading this.
> 
> I'll find and end you. 
> 
> In fact, while you're reading this sentence I'm already advancing on you, ready to kick your fucking teeth through your throat if you're not closing this document in one, two, three...
> 
> If you want to read this because you're Sollux, then you're lying. A timeline where Sollux is somehow coming back to our material unbubbly world is stretching my suspension of disbelief so far that you can fling yourself beyond the stars into a horrorterror's asshole with it.

 

* * *

 “When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.”  
_― Friedrich Nietzsche_

 

* * *

 

Karkat sighed contently, albeit a little wistfully. He was gazing over the Wooyoogonnkahl lake, breathing lungfuls of fresh needle tree forest air and enjoying a magnificent sunset.

He had turned his back on the merriment of the camp fire to come to this lonely part of the beach.  
 Yes, it seemed uncharacteristic for genial Karkat to retreat from the company of his friends, but he had left them only for a while, knowing that they were perfectly happy. He was just rather tired now.

He had done his humble but decisive part to save the legacy of camp Sgrub, but he had also lost a fucking eye, which is why he wore a handsome eye patch. It looked dangerous yet pitiful. A bit like Spades Slick, but not in a stabby asshole way.

If only he could share this thoughtful moment with somebody...

"Hey KK," said somebody.

Karkat looked up, surprised to see Sollux sitting down next to him. The other troll wore a soft jacket and khaki shorts.

"What are you doing here? You're missing out on the marshmallows..."

Sollux snorted and tucked his phone away after taking a photograph of the sunset.

"I came here to find you. Besides, half of the marshmallows fell into the fire."

"Won't Feferi miss you?" Karkat asked tactfully.

"Nah, I think she was busy hitting on the camp counselor before he's going to jail. Or at least rigging up a prison pen pal."

FUCK, HOW CONVENIENT THAT THEY AREN'T TOGETHER ANYMORE. AND I'M GUESSING HE WON'T HANG OUT WITH ARADIA EITHER BECAUSE SHE'S A GHOST? WHAT A CONTRIVED COINCIDENCE THAT EVERYONE ELSE WHO IS INTERESTED IN HIM IS OTHERWISE PREOCCUPIED IN STR CANON. HOW LONG HAVE YOU PLANNED TO SHIP YOURSELF WITH SOLLUX?

THE ORIGINAL DOCUMENT IS WRITE-PROTECTED THANKS TO YOUR ETERNAL ARROGANCE, THEREFORE I'LL JUST HAVE TO WRITE MY COMMENTS INTO THIS COPY. 

Karkat acknowledged this quietly, enjoying their silent companionship. He had no need to question Sollux' motive to be with him to the point of self-loathing overkill. Really, that only would have alienated Sollux and totally ruined the mood.

The sky was ablaze with red and yellow.

"Shit, I'm glad I came back," said Sollux sheepishly. His grumpy expression had softened. "This is nice."

"I'm also glad you came back," said Karkat. "You really did the hell out of your bit."

Sollux remained quiet for a while. Clearly something was bothering him.

"Yeah right... I almost blew us all up. I should have flown away with the bomb," he finally said frustrated.

"You bought us time!" protested Karkat. "There's no need for you to play the hero. You being here is enough."

Sollux sighed. "I guess... if you say so. Still, I wish I had done more while I had the chance."

"There's always time." Karkat gently squeezed Sollux' shoulder. He looked him earnestly in the eye.  
 Sollux averted his gaze, blushing. <-HOLY SHIT.

"You know, I haven't swam at all so far," Sollux changed the topic and stood up.

“Is the water nice?”

 “You should try it while you have the chance.” Karkat winked, which accentuated his handsome features.

They joked and laughed while they stripped, slapping each other with their clothes.

Sollux looked surprisingly nice in his swimming trunks. Especially his ~ATH.

Then they ran into the water, which had just the right temperature after a hot day. Sollux kicked a wave into Karkat's face. Karkat dunked Sollux into the water until he saw stars. Sollux body slammed Karkat into the muddy lake ground.

To get to the point: There was a lot of nearly naked escalating body contact happening. They wrestled until they were breathless and flushed, enjoying their evanescent youth.

"Let's swim to that island!" Sollux suggested. 

There was indeed an island, near the center of the lake. Glowing sea lilys with slimey leafs grew all around it. They had a little friendly swimming race. Karkat let Sollux win, although he could have bested him.

Karkat and Sollux climbed over slippy stones to a small, protected beach. The view was beautiful. Small animals were making noises, indicating a healthy ecosystems with a bountiful supply of snacks, now that the top predator Bearjack was gone.

The smaller troll was shuddering slightly in the cooling night air, so they huddled together for warmth. 

Sollux sighed sensually. It was the same rare sound he made when he was stretching after finally being finished and satisfied with his work, or that one time when he had buried his head in Feferi's hair while they were lying together in the horn pile when he thought nobody heard them.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT THE NERVE TO CITE THAT INTIMATE MEMORY IN THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE TAKING SOMETHING PRECIOUS AND STICKING IT TO THIS HEINOUS ABOMINATION OF A FAKE, OUT OF CHARACTER SOLLUX JUST TO GIVE YOUR FAP FODDER A SHRED OF AUTHENTICITY.

MOST OF ALL I CAN'T BELIEVE I KNOW EXACTLY WHICH SOUND YOU MEAN.

"You're not missing your phone now, are you?" Karkat smiled.

"Eheheh, no. I couldn't do this with my phone," Sollux leaned over and kissed Karkat.

Karkat was surprised. Of course he had expected nothing from Sollux right until the moment when it was certain that his feelings were returned. Now he kissed Sollux back, passionately yet un-needy.

You could see their silhouettes merging against the background of the shimmering lake, reflecting the last moments of the brilliantly orange sun set. <-HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

DO YOU HAVE TO CONJURE THE IMAGE OF A WHOLE LAKE OF GENETIC MATERIAL? THAT'S DISGUSTING.

Soon Sollux was shuddering again, but this time not from the cold.

He leaned back, drawing Karkat closer to him.

"Do you remember when I was running out of battery power for my phone?"

"Hmmh..." Karkat kissed Sollux' wrist. It wasn't like he, Karkat, was overly focused on wanting to know what his hand felt like. It was just a classic romantic thing to do.

"I actually ran out of power before that. I had another set of other batteries, so I used those first."

"Oh?" Karkat wasn't that interested in what had led to Sollux leaving them. Leaving him.

"Yeah, I took them out of my nook vibrator." Sollux smiled lewdly. He withdrew his hand from Karkat's and pinched one of the cancer troll's perky nipples.

"Can you help me recharge it?"

"Fuck yeah," Karkat groaned huskily.<-HOLY FUCKING SHIT ON A POGO STICK.

THERE'S SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS SCENE, I MUST HAVE GIVEN MYSELF FUGUE AMNESIA, BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER WRITING THIS.

FIRST OF ALL, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SOLLUX TOOK A FREAKING NOOK VIBRATOR TO SUMMER CAMP? JUST BECAUSE YOU ALCHEMIZED ONE RECENTLY AND TOOK IT TO TOWN UNTIL IT HUMMED FOR MERCY, DOESN'T MEAN EVEN ONE OF YOUR MOST PERVERTED PRECOCIOUS FRIENDS HAD A SEX TOY WHEN HE WAS JUST SIX SWEEPS OLD. OR HOWEVER OLD THEY ARE IN THE SUMMERTEEN ROMANCE UNIVERSE.

SECONDLY, I SEE YOU'RE NOT JUST DEFILING YOURSELF AND OUR MEMORY OF SOLLUX, YOU'RE ALSO CASTING ARTISTIC INTEGRITY TO THE WIND.

LOOK HOW YOU SHAT ALL OVER HIS CHARACTER ARC BY STAGING A CHEAP, EMBARRASSING C'MON ABOUT BATTERIES. FUCK, THE SHIT SPRINKLES ARE FLYING EVERYWHERE.

BY THE WAY, YOU CAN'T SUBSTITUTE PHONE BATTERIES WITH VIBRATOR BATTERIES! I ASSUME YOU DON’T KNOW THIS BECAUSE YOU HAVE YET TO CHANGE THEM.

DO I HAVE TO WRITE OUT THAT HIS BATTERIES RUNNING LOW WAS A METAPHOR FOR SOLLUX BURNING HIMSELF OUT THROUGH THE GAME? THAT HE CHOSE TO PUSH THROUGH AND COME BACK IN STR WHEN HE WAS UNDERSTANDABLY FED UP WAS THE WHOLE POINT. THE BEATING PUMP BISCUIT OF THE STORY. A TRIUMPH OF DETERMINATION, OF FRIENDSHIP, OF FACING THE ODDS DESPITE RUNNING ON AIR.

BUT HERE YOU GO, SUBSTITUTING HIS WILL WITH YOUR THROBBING BULGE. I HOPE YOU GOT OFF YOUR JOLLIES WHEN DESCRIBING HOW YOU FUCKED HIS EXISTENTIAL PROBLEMS AWAY, POUNDING HIM INTO THE SAND UNTIL HE WAS YEARNING TO THE CORE FOR RELEASE! I WON'T SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT PAGE OF THIS DEBAUCHERY OF HOT OUTDOOR TEEN SEX ANY LONGER!!!

They made passionate love under a rising moon.

Afterwards they agreed to be boyfriends and cuddled, because fuck you, this is my fantasy.

 **The END.**  

...ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? WHERE’S THE REST?

I'M NOT- IT'S NOT FINISHED!


End file.
